I was reading over an old journal I kept the first half of 2008- my last several months in YWAM, and the last time I took an international trip. The very last page was filled with memories and lessons learned that I didn't want to forget. The very last one was a quote we commonly said to each other then, 'Hard is good, easy rots your soul!'
Those words pierced my heart; exactly, perfectly what I needed to hear in this moment. I used to thrive on a life of unknowns, living in the day and letting God plan the rest. I was blissed out in my relationship with Him, and learning ever more about a Christ-filled life and living in community with others.
Fast forward 4 years, and I so far from who I was. God is not in the forefront of my mind, thoughts and actions...at least like He once was. My prayers are perfunctory and selfish. Quiet time? Never. I still live in community...the military community, not quite the same. I am the most important thing in my life right now, not Jesus. Before, I prayed about every little thing, now, hardly anything. My marriage is much the same, it is two of us, not three, with God in the center. It is my own doing.
It was an argument that drove me upstairs and eventually to that old journal, desiring to take myself from the present and into the past, a simpler and so joyous time. The topic of the fight isn't important, but my selfish behavior had everything to do with it. We kept going round and round, each not hearing the other and going for the head instead of the heart. I left feeling kind of hopeless, unsure how we would ever reach a peaceful resolution and a 'win/win' situation.
But as with any situation in my life that was difficult/painful, I came out of it so much the better; it was in those times that I was being refined, those situations that helped lay the foundation of my character. And all the arguments between my husband and I have only made us stronger and more closely bonded.
And that gives me hope.
Bring on the hard, for easy rots my soul.